When Gouging Your Eyes Out Seems Like a Good Idea

Good God.  "License to Wed" – something I ‘watched’ while multitasking on the plane – was abysmal.  If it weren’t for my email and PPT to keep me busy while the movie droned on, I probably would have asked for rubber tube and a syringe to mainline the free liquor at 8 in the morning.

What happens to Mandy Moore?  She seems so grounded and seemingly intelligent and yet she continues to make the crappiest films.  Is her agent a spurned lover?  That seems to be the only explanation I can come up with. That, or she has a huge coke habit and the paychecks from bouncing around looking cute keep the blow in constant supply.  Either one.

Aside – why the FUCK are they turning off the cabin lights?  It’s 930 in the morning – we took off 2 hours ago.  It isn’t exactly nappy time.  And now I’m getting the evil eye from the guy across the aisle because of my incessant tapping on my keyboard.  "Oh, sorry!  I didn’t thing people would be AWAKE at 9 in the morning on a Friday.  How rude of me!"  I think I’ll turn on my PC speakers and blast some shitty Malay music I picked up in Singapore just to taunt him.

Update: I kid you not – nearly the whole cabin is asleep now.  Only me and the lawyer from SF next to me are still awake.  Seriously people – I know airline schedules.  I know where you’re all going.  There is absolutely no good reason you should be sleeping on this leg of the trip.  Either you are stopping in Tokyo, with its massive 1hr time difference, at a reasonable time when you can still easily party in Roppongi.  Or you are heading to the west coast of the US (sleep on the next leg else you will be screwed when you arrive).  Or you are heading somewhere else in Asia (same as Japan, above).  Or you are heading to the East Coast of the US (same as west coast – sleep on the next flight).  In any case, there is simply no routing which would necessitate your nap on this flight.  I will continue my typing without mercy.  Your occasional grunts of disdain only further embolden me.

Final Update: The guy across the aisle from me woke up.  Two great things: 1) he is eating the corner of his pillow.  No shit.  Dude – what the fuck?  That isn’t yours.  Some other person is now going to have your slobber on their head.  That is just gross.  2) He has his FEET UP on the seat in front of him.  Is he a Neanderthal?  A contortionist?  Just a rude fucker?  Yes.  3) Now he is chewing on the headphone cord.  Jesus Mary.

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