So yesterday I flew to Japan on my favorite flight (which isn’t saying much) – UA875. I like it because you leave in the afternoon, have 10 hours of time to focus, sleep, eat, etc. I made good use of the time yesterday – got my inbox to zero, cranked thru some complex docs, and even got a few hours of sleep.
Then, I landed and re-engaged with the world. Oy vey.
First, I got up from my seat and behind me I saw a man – let’s call him SuperTanMan – who also happened to have more bling than 50Cent. White. Older. Doofy. Yes, diamond encrusted wedding band. Diamond(ique?) loaded middle-finger ring. Watch that looked like a huge Franc Mueller onto which someone glued on a bunch of diamonds. Of course, clean white sneakers and black track pants. It was like a bad impression of a gay mafiaoso.
Second: in Narita’s (in)famous shitty immigration line. You either get lucky or you get REALLY unlucky – yesterday was the latter. Huge fricking line, moving at the speed of … well it wasnt moving. Luckily, I got pulled out and sent to a faster line and was behind Chris Farley with a haircut. Here is what I heard.
Immigration officer: "Are you staying in Japan?"
Chris Farley: "No, we’re going to Osaka."
Immigration officer: "Eeee-to" (Japanese for "well…", or "you fucktard.")
Last, on the Narita Express heading to the city. One of the issues with my Amazon Kindle is everyone wants to ask me about it. Not the infallability polite Japanese, but the tard Americans on the train. The dude behind me (with ANOTHER GOLD CHAIN! WTF!!!) leans over my seat to ask me about my Kindle. Then tells me it’s the Sony device. I tell him No, it’s the Amazon one. He is confused and tells me it’s the Sony device. He then breaks out his iPod touch and shows me that. Yes, I have seen that – I don’t live in Rwanda. In fact, I have one. Yes, I know you touch it. I have one. I dont want to see a picture of a map you bought. Please sit down. You have bad breath and I’m trying to read.
Thankfully my taxi driver didn’t speak English.