I Love Hooters

This morning at the gas station where I was doing my part to keep King Saud in Bentleys for years to come, I saw a truck with a bumper sticker that read, “I Love Hooters”. 

Really?

I have been to exactly two Hooters in my lifetime.  One in Bellevue, before the sterilization Nazis drove them out of town and replaced them with “The Store Where Everything is Just Super”, and the other in Orlando, FL.  Food sucked.  “Talent” at both locations (c’mon Florida, what the HELL!?) was worse than your average Friday night in Belltown.  It was…fine.  But fine enough to defile my car’s paint with a sticker professing my undying love?  Nope.

Even if the talent were up to snuff – something like they show on their website- there is just something fundamentally wrong with Hooters. 

Pantyhose. 

Is there anything less sexy than a thin layer of tan polyester stretched across someone’s calves?  Isn’t this fashion misstatement in the purview of my great grandmother?  There is nothing sexy about them – if the goal is to get me sexually aroused so I’ll stay longer – drink watery beer, and tip heavier – the mere thought of having to peel off some hotties nylon leggings lest I get shocked by the static electricity they surely must generate when they rub together tends to put a damper on any phallic arousal I may have had.

Furthermore, aren’t these puritanical? What is the purpose except to hide bare flesh from the menfolk?  And at Hooters?  Isn’t this a huge oxymoron?

Yes, pantyhose gross me out.  They should be relegated to the dustbin of history like cloth handkerchiefs.  Who thought those were a good idea?  Let me blow snot into a piece of cloth and then let me shove that back in to my pocket.  Why don’t I just blow my nose directly into my shirt?  At least I won’t be putting my hand there when I’m fumbling for my keys.

“I Hate Pantyhose”.  That’s my new bumpersticker.

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “I Love Hooters

  1. I personally think there is nothing hotter or sexier than a woman in tan pantyhose or stockings with any outfit. not to mention the feel of them on a woman. and why remove them for sex thats what scissors were invented for or crotchless or stockings. besides only the girly types of women wear them, and theyre hard to find. so since you dislike them so much dont go there, gee that was hard to figure out!

  2. Amberdigital Branch,Southern Stars Enterprises Co is specializing in the development and manufacturing of advertisement screens, LCD digital signage and LCD signages. Established in 1996, we have explored and developed the international market with professionalism. We have built a widespread marketing network, and set up a capable management team dedicated to provide beyond-expectation services to our customers.

    amberdigital Contact Us
    Southern Stars Enterprises Co (Hong Kong Office)
    Add:3 Fl, No.2, Lane 2, Kam Tsin Tsuen, Sheung Shui, Hong Kong
    Tel:+852 2681 4099
    Fax:+852 2681 4586
    Southern Stars Enterprises Co (Shenzhen Office)
    Add:DE, 16/F, Building 2, Nanguo Tower, Sungang Road, Shenzhen, China
    Tel:+86 755 2592 9100
    Fax:+86 755 2592 7171
    E-mail:sstar@netvigator.com
    website:www.amberdigital.com.hk
    alibaba:amberdigital.en.alibaba.com[aiif

  3. Hi,Do you need advertising displays, advertising player and LCD displays? Please go Here:www.amberdigital.com.hk(Amberdigital).we have explored and developed the international market with professionalism. We have built a widespread marketing network, and set up a capable management team dedicated to provide beyond-expectation services to our customers.
    amberdigital Contact Us
    E-mail:sstar@netvigator.com
    website:www.amberdigital.com.hk
    alibaba:amberdigital.en.alibaba.com[ahgaddabeed

  4. Hi,Do you need advertising displays, screen advertisings, digital sign, digital signages and LCDs? Please go Here:www.amberdigital.com.hk(Amberdigital).we have explored and developed the international market with professionalism. We have built a widespread marketing network, and set up a capable management team dedicated to provide beyond-expectation services to our customers.
    amberdigital Contact Us
    website:www.amberdigital.com.hk
    alibaba:amberdigital.en.alibaba.com[eacdfgagdeeacec]

  5. google排名
    google排名
    google左侧排名
    google左侧排名
    中国福利彩票
    双色球
    中国体育彩票
    中彩网
    租房
    租房
    北京租房
    北京租房
    保洁
    保洁
    保洁公司
    保洁公司 -59806852103192

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s